sobota, 28. maj 2011

Identity, State and Frame

The AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) You will be a thing of the past,
replaced by the PUA You. When learning the pick-up arts, you have the
option of creating a new identity. The old you was just fine, a nice guy who
has lots of interesting things to say. The new you may be similar, just
repackaged and marketed correctly. This 'inner game' should be on all the
time, though you may turn your 'outer game' on and off as the environment
dictates. Once you graduate to PUA status, you will look around a venue
and be able to pick out AFCs, or what are often referred to as 'chodes.'
To many people, the seduction community is actually a men's selfimprovement
movement, with a very large carrot at the end of the stick:
SEX. But it is best to consider the long-term goal getting competent with
seduction, and the process of self-improvement your immediate goal.
Strengthening your inner game – developing a solid sense of identity and
unflappable self-confidence – is key to pick-up. This ebook is intended to
be a practical field guide, so inner game is not covered to any large extent.
There are many resources available within and outside the community to
improve your inner game, including Anthony Robbins and the RSD catalog
of DVDs.
Also keep in mind that inner and outer game are symbiotic; one aspect
feeds off the other, and both ideally should develop simultaneously.
Identity development
1. Who are you? Meaning how do you want to be perceived by others?
Find a stereotype to exploit, then create a sound bite that conveys this.
2. What kind of woman do you seek? What’s important to you in a woman?
You must develop your identity to attract this sort of woman, so #1 should
complement #2.
3. What is your avatar? Does your look reflect the identity you’ve chosen?
They must be congruent.
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it
is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the
music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
Henry David Thoreau
4. What is your social circle? Do you hang out with people that enhance
your identity and respect you as a tribal leader?
5. What props do you take into the field that demonstrate your identity?
You can have pics on your phone to show sets. Props may display
sexuality, or that women are a part of your life. Have a story behind each
prop. Be the observed.
6. How will your wing introduce you? This is known as an AI,
accomplishment intro.
“Look at yourselves. What kind of person are you? Inject a bit
of your Antithesis into you. If you look soft then add intent
psycho axe-murderer type shit. If you look like a tough guy
then show a cuddly softer side every now and then. If you look
nerdy then do something very alpha and outgoing. If you look
outgoing and alpha then show some softness every now and
then. Not only is this cute because its unexpected but it also
keeps the girl guessing and makes you undefinable.”
Your state when running pick up should be that of a confident, happy and
out-going man. Listen to your internal dialog, and if you notice a lot of
negative thoughts, fix it. Your outward appearance will not be appealing to
others until your internal dialog is optimistic, enthusiastic and positive. Push
all negative or self-defeating ideas out of your head, and replace them with
thoughts of success. With more field time under your belt, 'getting into
state' will be easier, or you may find you're always in state.
You can get into state by listening to loud music, jumping and running
around, yelling, and doing high-5s or playing patty-cakes with your wings in
the club. Start finding the positives in your surroundings and reframe your
negative thoughts. Do a few warm-up sets.
When we speak of frame, we mean your attitude and beliefs. You must
convey non-neediness and willingness to walk away. You must not be
seeking validation from her or anyone else. If you make a funny comment,
you don’t care if she finds it funny; you don't look to make sure if she's
laughing at it, because you simply don't give a crap. If you’re wearing
something interesting, you might ask her opinion on it, but aren’t
emotionally directed by her response. These alpha qualities – that of a
leader and not a follower – should be conveyed in your body language and
what you say. Anything that makes you seem validation-seeking, insecure,
attention-seeking, indecisive, try-hard, dependent or unsure will be a turn
off. In short, this is your world and though she is welcomed to enter it, you’ll
be just fine without her. Along these lines, always be in control and pull her
into your frame. In milder forms this can take the form of ending all phone
calls and interactions before she does. A more obvious version of frame
control is puppet kino, where you are physically forcing her to behave as
you desire. Frame control is an essential part of pickup. A man who
prematurely relinquishes control the the frame to the woman is viewed as
beta. Women seek men who will lead and dominate the relationship, and
though they may try to steal control of the frame, consider this a shit test to
see how resolved you are. Once past attraction and into comfort, you may
let up some control to jump through her hoops, provided she is continuing
to comply and work for your attraction.
Note that these are characteristics you cannot fake. You must internalize
these beliefs and become that person. Women will see through a façade.
Similarly, PUAs talk about having an attitude of scarcity versus abundance;
a man who has his pick of women is said to live in abundance and this is
attractive to women (preselection), whereas a man who settles for anything
he can get is living with a mindset of scarcity which is unattractive
Have no expectations for outcome. Don’t care if a girl doesn’t laugh at your
joke. Don’t care if she doesn’t pong IOIs. Don’t care if you get blown out of
every set tonight. Don’t care if you number close. Don’t care if she doesn’t
call you back. Don’t care if she flakes. Don’t care if you have a one night
stand. Don’t care if she shit tests. Don’t care if she buys you a drink. Just
run game. If she shows interest, tomorrow she could completely disappear
and never respond to you. If she shows disinterest now, in a week she
might be blowing your cell up trying to get a date. Girls send mixed signals
and play games all the time, so don’t be thrown, and always have no
Emotional investment by the girl is important. Even if it’s jealousy or
irritation, if a girl has the option to walk away from you but stays in there,
it’s an IOI. Use that emotional investment to get her more attracted to you,
and do not respond emotionally back to it.
Be relaxed and comfortable as if you’re at home and not a bar.
Frame Control and Storytelling
By Rob Judge
It’s time to write on one of the biggest problems/obstacles
PUAs of all skill levels run into: Effective DHV story telling.
There are two recurring fatal mistakes I see happening
repeatedly: 1) Stories are trying so hard to hit DHV points, they
completely undermine and destroy your frame/congruency,
and 2) Stories lack any subtly and are no better than blatant
Before I go into the theory on this, I want to demonstrate my
point by relating something that happened to me in-field. Okay,
I sarge in Manhattan and usually go for high end chicks (8s
and upward) usually at classy bars/clubs. So, as you can
imagine, I’m constantly competing/gaming against AMOGs
and, in particular, older, richer Wall Street AMOGs (lets call
them Alpha Streeters). So one Thursday night, I’m out with my
wing and we’re gaming a decent 3-set. As I’m stacking, I
notice in the corner of my eye a cock-pack of 10 Alpha
Streeters rolling into the club. While most of the Alphas
wandered over to the bar, the two most Alpha guys planted
themselves in front of our set. Not letting this phase me, I
continued to stack but kept hearing snip-its of phrases like “…
FINALLY all moved into my place on Fifth Avenue” or “…going
back to the old alma mater for the Harvard Yale game”. They
were running the equivalent of MM for guys on Wall Street:
DHV about money as loud as you can. After about 5 minutes
of this, a couple of the Alphas by the bar came over to our set
and offered us all an expensive round of drinks. Of course, we
had to accept, allowing the 10 Alphas to move in on our set
and effectively blow us out.
The way I felt as I ejected was like a little kid who’s playing a
Nintendo game and can’t beat a level while he watches a
bunch of older kids do whatever they want because they’re
using Game Genie.
I was pissed. Frustrated. Embarrassed. I still am. But thinking
back on it, those guys may have blown me out, but they set a
horrible frame. Let me explain. Say the Alpha Streeters never
showed up and I had successfully #-closed, got a Day 2, and
took the girl(s) to McDonald's. It wouldn’t really be a DLV
because I was strictly selling the girls on my personality,
gaming skills and stories. I didn’t buy them drinks. I didn’t tell
them I live on Fifth Avenue. Taking those girls to McDonald's
would’ve been completely congruent with the frame I
However, imagine if one of the Alpha Streeters got a Day 2
and he took her to McDonald's. MAJOR DLV. The guy
established the frame that he’s rich. His Day 2 HAS to be at a
very expensive restaurant or else it’s NOT CONGRUENT.
Winning girls with money is great if you’re ready to spend
money all the time, but if you’re not than it’s no different than
the smooth PUA who freezes up in the middle of the set.
You’re blown out once you contradict the reality you initially
put forth.
Over and over and I see posts like this: “I broke down the
bedroom door and grabbed him by the neck pinning him
against the wall lifting him up. Must have been the adrenaline
of the moment because I can not normally lift a big guy with
one hand. I looked him in the eye and told him, if he ever did
that again I would kill him.”
I know a lot of red-faced “PUAs” want to grab me by the neck,
pin me against a wall, and tell me “Hey bro! I’m showing that I
No, you’re not, bro.
What you’re showing is you’re a typical tough guy. Which is
fine if that’s the frame you want to set. But just like the Wall
Streeter who sets his money frame, you’ve now set a “tough
guy” frame. So, when an AMOG comes over and tries to steal
your girl, you have no choice but to fight him. Think about it. If
you’re the big “protector of loved ones” and you’ve
“demonstrated” that with your story, you can’t try to out smart
the AMOG because it’s not consistent. Your ONLY consistent
choice is to get that adrenaline pumping and start fighting
everyone who threatens your target.
Because I encounter so many typical AFC tough guys, I go
OUT OF MY WAY to set the frame that I’m NOT a tough guy
(so when I use my wit to outsmart them, it’s congruent and I’m
not obligated to man-dance every loser AFC with crab
hands…) Here’s what I was doing for a while (feel free to use
at your discretion):
Part of my peacocking is I sometimes put a band aid on my
neck. It sounds stupid but so many girls will open you with:
HB on Trial: OMG!! What happened?
Rob Judge: Bar fight.
HB on Trial: (Giggles)
Rob Judge: Yeah, you should’ve seen the other 5 guys.
(NOTE: This must be delivered with James Bond-like
demeanor. If you say it like a goofball it’ll come off sounding
like a joke your corny uncle would make…)
The whole reason this is “funny” is because I’m a skinny 5”8,
145-pound dude who dresses like a dandy...
Prizability is expressed in the PUA text by Swinggcat, ‘Real World
Seduction.’ Swinggcat speaks of frames and meta-frames, and your goal
generally is to maintain your frame as the prize, and make her pursue you.
Girls will often expect the man to assume she is the prize and that she
should be pursued. The PUA does not fall for this, which will often take
HBs by surprise. Since prizability is one of the most important concepts of
pick-up, a chapter has been devoted to it.
“People don't understand that this is not just about pick-up.
This is really the beginning I think of a serious men's selfimprovement
To convince others you are a prize worth pursuing, you need to make
yourself the prize.
The Alpha Male
Women want instinctively to mate with the alpha male of a tribe. Much of
seduction is learning how to tap into these primitive female drives, and so
understanding what constitutes an alpha male is critical. Brad P defines an
alpha as the following:
1. Be immune to social pressures. Be able to stand out and not be selfconscious
about it, though social pressure tells you to conform.
2. Have risk-taking behavior. This demonstrates bravery.
3. Be detached from outcome. An alpha has confidence he will have sex
soon, and so the outcome of each interaction is irrelevant.
In addition, the alpha embodies all attraction switches: he IS a leader of
men, he DOES protect loved ones, he IS preselected, and so on. They
simply exude these qualities.
Intimidating Girls and How Not to Do It
By BangBang
I used to get told I intimidated girls ALL the time, probably a
side effect of spending so many years working as a bouncer.
I'd say it could be one of two things (at least it was with me):
First, I came to realize that I NEVER smiled. What's worse, is
that I didn't REALIZE that I didn't. I wasn't trying to look mean
or to intimidate, but when most people encounter a neutral
expression and confident body language on a guy with a
decent build, they sense a vibe that you are not to be fucked
with. This is great for keeping other guys at bay, but with girls,
not what you want. For me, the fix was simply actively smiling
more and making a point to smile whenever I see a girl. At
first, I'd hear the voice in my head saying "Smile stupid!" and I
would, now it's become more instinctual and I've noticed a
difference. After I've opened, if I'm talking about something
that happened while I was working as a bouncer, I will almost
always still get "I KNEW you were a bouncer! I could just tell.
You look like a bouncer." Something as simple as a smile can
take the same vibe and change it from "He's intimidating!" to
"He'll protect me."
Cowboy stance with Smile = Sexual Attraction
Cowboy stance without Smile = Come near me and I'll fucking
KILL you.
I had also picked up some bad BL habits from being a bouncer
as well, which I had to really work at to get rid of because they
had become natural to me so I didn't notice them.
Second, sometimes confidence can be intimidating to a
woman if she's not used to dealing with confident men. Or
confidence can be intimidating because a confident man has a
reason to be confident; he must have very high standards and
she may be afraid that she won't measure up to those
I love to dance and have come to be very good at it. I always
used to wonder why, if women like to dance so much, no
women seemed to want to dance with me. They'd start to
when I'd grab them, but then they'd shy away. Finally I asked a
girlfriend of mine what that was all about, because she'd done
it too. She told me that she was afraid to dance with me
because I was a great dancer. She was afraid she wouldn't be
able to keep up and would look stupid. Now I just tell girls to
relax, and I lead more than I used to.
Successful peacocking gear will:
1. inspire targets to open you, and
2. be ridiculed by AMOGs.
Do not feel upset if you get put down by AMOGs; turn this around and
consider it a marker of good peacocking. Some useful peacock items
include: scarves, hats, rings, wrist bands, and necklaces. If you don't want
to wear earrings, look for magnetic earrings online and put 1-3 in your
earlobe and/or cartilage of the left ear. Some PUAs use makeup, or color
their hair.
Often it is helpful to think of a celebrity you resemble and try to look like
that person. Even if on a subliminal level, the comparison might garner you
attention. Remember it is always better to be observed than to observe.
Belt buckles are great in that they can be flashy as they draw a woman’s
attention close to your private parts. When a girl refers to your belt buckle
turn it into a classic sexual predator comment: “Hey, my eyes are up here!
What are you doing looking down her, you diiiirrrty little girl. I swear, girls
are such sexual predators...”
Try to have a story behind each prop, as in its significance to you. When
asked why you have a particular necklace on, you can joke: “Because my
face is a work of art and I needed a beautiful frame around it.”
Platform shoes give the illusion of height which is important if you’re short.
If called out about them, use Style's response: “Because they get me 3
more inches of woman...and I like woman” (said innocently, not
The Superman Speech from Kill Bill, Volume 2
“As you know, I’m quite keen on comic books. Especially the
ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology
surrounding superheroes fascinating.
Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic
book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology… The
mythology is not only great, it’s unique.
Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there’s the
superhero and there’s the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce
Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that
character wakes up in the morning, he’s Peter Parker. He has
to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that
characteristic Superman stands alone.
Superman didn’t become Superman. Superman was born
Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he’s
Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big
red “S” - that’s the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when
the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears -
the glasses, the business suit - that’s the costume. That’s the
costume Superman wears to blend in with us.
Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the
characteristics of Clark Kent? He’s weak… He’s unsure of
himself… He’s a coward.
Clark Kent is Superman’s critique on the whole human race.”
Shit Tests
Women will often use shit tests to see what you're made of, to push you
out of your frame and possibly into hers. Don't answer these logically.
Make your responses fun and reframe her statement so that she
understands this is your world and she is lucky to be welcomed in. A shit
test isn't an IOD (when a girl turns back to her friends or walks away...that's
an IOD). It's an IOI, because she's investigating how strong your backbone
is. If a woman finds out you can't even stand up to her, how will you protect
her from all of life's other threats?
ST (shit test): Why are you talking to me?
RF (reframe): I lost a bet.
ST: Are you gay?
RF: Yeah, I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.
ST: Buy me a drink.
RF: Is that your best pick up line?
ST: I don't date short guys.
RF: Hey, me neither.
ST: How big is your penis?
RF: How good is your dental insurance?
ST: I need a sugar daddy. Are you rich?
RF: For sure. I just added a new wing to my cardboard box.
ST: So you're a bisexual?
RF: Buy sex? Why would I buy sex when I get it for free?
ST: A lot of guys hit on me because of this tattoo.
RF: Really, guys hit on you for that? I figured you'd get more lesbians.
ST: I can email you nude pics of myself.
RF: Hey! Slow down there, young lady. We just met. Buy me a drink first if
you're gonna hit on me like that!
Brad P suggests a tactic called absurdifying shit tests. So take a shit test
and respond with an absurd exaggeration, and then return immediately
back to the thread you were talking about. For example, if you start running
the 'Who lies more' routine, and she cuts you off with 'That shirt is so ugly!'
you absurdify with 'Oh my god, this is the fucking ugliest shirt in the
world...but...who do you think lies more, men or women?'
I Speak 'Girl'
By Calyx
Here's a method I've been using to help deal with a girl's
nonsense. This works for me in person, text, email and phone.
It is also a good way to turn things sexual.
Let's say your target states something like:
"You're crazy"
"You're stupid"
"You're retarded"
"Shut Up"
"You're such an ass"
Calyx: You know I read, write and speak "girl" fluently. And I
know what you really meant by that.
HB: What?
Calyx: You're stupid = "Calyx, you got me all hot and
HB: Lol, you're retarded.
Calyx: You're retarded = Calyx, I want you!
HB: Lol, shut up.
Calyx: Shut up = Calyx, stop talking cause it will make me rape
HB: Lol, stupid, shut up.
Calyx: You just cant help yourself huh?
HB: Okay I want you.
Really, as long as you have some attraction there, you can use
this to make any words she says into words you want to hear.
But if the words are directed at you, the better its effect.
You can use it for shit tests:
HB: I have a boyfriend.
PU: I speak girl and I know what that means.
HB: What?
PU: “I want to give you my number but don't want to seem like
a slut, 'cause I am attracted to you.”
HB: (lol) No, that's not it, I really do have a boyfriend.
PU: “I really like this guy but I am scared to take chances."
HB: Uh, no.
PU: "No = yes"
HB: (lol)
PU: Wow, you want it that bad? Well I am not a slut and you
have to earn my calls!
During the evolution from AFC to PUA, a person will rely on crutches to
help them along. Similar to partaking in rehab for a sprained ankle,
crutches can help get around while the ankle is healing, but prolonged
reliance on them can be detrimental to recovery. Here are some example
of crutches which you should be looking for, and abandoning when able:
1. Alcohol. AA is something you need to genuinely squash, and not mask
with mind-altering substances. Drinking to excess in order to help approach
women will not in the end assist you in overcoming AA.
2. State pumpers. At times, you need that shot of espresso to get you in
the mood to go out late and be in a talkative state. However you should
watch out for dependence on stimulants which may artificially pump your
3. Wings. You can accomplish great things when solo sarging, but using a
wing does open many doors, such as making 2-sets easier to work. Many
guys rely on wings as a crutch, becoming intimidated if alone in a venue. A
true PUA can sarge a venue without the assistance of a wing. Bring in
wings to make for a fun night, and to augment your game, but do not avoid
solo sarging.
4. Gaming ugs. Going after HBs can be daunting, and sometimes chasing
ugs can be the path of least resistance. If you are attracted to the ug, then
game on. But if you're gaming ugs as a crutch because you're too scared
to game HBs, you need to get past this sticking point.
5. Peacocking. Some guys don their gear as if it were an action figure
disguise. This is great, but if you're suddenly caught out in the day at a car
wash next to HB10, you may feel naked without the gear and unable to run
game. Be able to run game anytime, even if you don't have your gear on.
6. Routines. Going in with a routine stack can help you reliably create
attraction, but many guys rely on the stack instead of learning how to
naturally vibe with a girl. The routines become a crutch, and without them,
they have no idea what to say to a woman. Be able to open on any topic,
and vibe off what the woman is telling you.
7. All-girl sets. Mixed sets scare a lot of guys, so they avoid them and only
work all-girl sets. Overcome this fear and get used to opening mixed sets.
Don't assume romantic involvement, or that a fight will ensue. Many HBs
hang out in mixed sets, and to avoid them will severely limit your
8. Seated sets. It may be hard to lock in if a group is sitting, so a PUA may
only game standing sets. You should always try to open these sets, even if
the logistics may not be just right. If you don't open, you'll never learn how
to do it.
9. Venue selection. Some PUAs aren't adept at day game, so they only
sarge at night. Others are scared of clubs so they only do day game. A
PUA should ideally be comfortable running game any time of day in any
venue. If you find yourself returning to the same sort of venue, push
yourself to game in venues that may feel uncomfortable at first.
10. Indirect game. The M3 model requires you to fly under the radar via an
indirect approach. Though you may find yourself getting good at indirect,
going in direct may bring about a wave of panic you thought you'd
conquered. Learn how to be direct on your approaches, with aggressive
kino and strong SOIs. You may get blown out more, but if the set hooks
you may be able to avoid a lot of the effort required in going indirect.
11. Being 'in state.' You may not feel like going out or talking to women
because you aren't in state. Being in state can help your interactions, but
relying on being in state is another crutch. There are benefits of gaming
while not being in state. You become too tired to care, which is by itself an
attractive attitude. Also, you can't get in your head, and so you have to go
on autopilot and be in the moment; you're incapable of over-analyzing
everything that gets thrown at you. In so doing, you have spontaneous
natural convos with people, and you internalize the skill set much faster.
Being out of state can actually be a great tool.
Your Comfort Zone
Getting good at seduction requires you to constantly evolve and to push
yourself out of your comfort zone. Initially this may mean just being able to
leave your home on a Friday and put yourself in a bar. Eventually as this
becomes easier, it may mean talking to strangers, going out alone, and
ultimately running pick-up techniques that seem counter-intuitive or socially
One simply cannot get good at seduction without breaking out of one's
comfort zone. When you find you're comfortable with a skill, move on to the
next one which will advance your sets towards the close.
Each pick-up set is like a work-out set. To get muscle, you must hit the
number of repetitions which will result in failure of that muscle. Then
hypertrophy and strength gains can occur. Merely doing 36 light reps won't
give you the same results. Likewise, you must bring each pick-up set to
failure. That is, push each set to its limit: pull the girl, or else make her blow
you out.
Here is a formula that applies across the board when trying to move out of
your comfort zone:
Step 1. Logically get your plan together. Know what you're gonna say/do
and when. Have the words ready to deliver when your instinct tells you to
it's time. You may need to 'small chunk' this, eventually ending up with a
string of sentences that accomplish your goal.
Step 2. Nut up and do it. Just like AA. We know what we must do. We've
wrapped our heads around it. We just can't pull the trigger.
Step 3. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Keep getting blown out, until you've gotten
yourself on autopilot and are totally immune to failure.
Step 4. Tweak if something isn't working. Drop it, fix it, change the timing in
your set.

The Simple Secret to Being Dominant

Dominance is the #1 trait that attracts women. What I'm going to reveal to
you in this chapter will be the secrets that will have women begging to have
"anything goes" sex with you.
Here’s what it’s all about: to be dominant, control the frame. It’s as
straightforward as that.
It is important to realize the importance of this whole concept of frames.
As I’ve said, there is no objective reality. All reality exists in people’s minds.
So if a woman creates drama that she thinks is a big deal, and you go
along with that, then you have been reduced to beta male status by being sucked
into her frame.
If on the other hand you reframe her drama as funny and silly and not that
big a deal, then she has been brought into your reality.
To give an example from my current relationship, my girlfriend wanted me
to go to her parents’ house with her to meet them. I preferred to hang out with
my own friends that night, so I told her those were my plans.
She reacted badly and said, "John, it's really important to me that you
come with me."
Most men would get sucked into her frame by having a long discussion or
fight over it. After all, you have long discussions about things that are important.
But if you frame it like her wanting you to meet her family is not a big deal,
you’ll simply react by saying, “Sure, let’s do that sometime” and then quickly
changing the subject to something more interesting. That’s what I did, and it
drew her into my reality.
Use that strategy that with everything. You as the man have the more
powerful reality.
Because your strong belief system is now, “I’m a good catch” and “I’m the
prize, not her,” the woman will buy into that frame.
One of the jobs I held on and off for many years was part-time pizza
delivery. (By the way, avoid eating pizza if you want to keep a trim waist!)
Back before I learned the proper mindset. I would always get incredibly
nervous whenever I’d knock on a door and a hot woman would answer. This.
was because I considered them to be potentially great catches for me (rather
than the other way around).
So when I tried to get them to like me, I came across as a guy who was
trying too hard, which damaged any attraction the women may have had for me.
But then I adopted the attitude that I am a good catch. As a consequence,
I felt indifference whenever I delivered to a hot woman. I would simply say, with
a relaxed tone of voice and posture, “Hi. The pizza will be $X.”
Sometimes women would shamelessly flirt with me as a result. (They
never flirted with me before.) I had sex with a few of them, including one who I
dated for over a year—she was absolutely amazing in bed. She worked hard to
win my affections, because I was a challenge for her.
Women don’t like to be put up on a pedestal. Even if sometimes women
claim that they do, the men who actually are successful with women do not view
them that way. They just act natural.
Women may be wonderful beings who want to have sex with you, but they
put their pants on one leg at a time just like you do. When all is said and done,
women are a lot more similar to men that most guys think.
The problem with putting women on a pedestal is that it comes from a
frame of neediness.
Think of the people in your life who have been needy. They stifle you by
trying to get your attention every chance they get. They constantly demand your
attention, because they’re seemingly unable to have a good time on their own.
Psychologically, this repels you rather than make you want to spend more
time with them. So consider what it is like from a woman’s perspective when you
feel needy.
How can you avoid such feelings? Catch yourself whenever you have
thoughts like:
• “If I lose this girl, I won’t have sex for months.”
• “I really want this girl to like me. What should I do to make her like
• “Should I call this girl yet?”
The whole irony about wanting people to like you and trying too hard for it
is that it has the opposite effect—it pushes them away.
So stop putting women up on pedestals. A better, healthier way to look at
it is that you need to climb up on the pedestal yourself. You are the prize.
Take two examples of a man chatting up a woman. The first is a man who
thinks he needs to earn a woman’s affections; the second knows he is the prize.
Beta Male (nervously): “Can I please have the honor of taking you to
lunch? It will be my treat. Where would you like to go?”
Woman: “Thank you!” (Smiles.) “I’d like to have lunch at the El Supero
Expensivo Ritzo. Let’s go!”
They go to lunch, the woman views him as a nice guy and a good friend,
and he never gets laid because she just isn’t attracted to him in that way.
And by the way, even though men complain about money spent on
women in exchange for which they get nothing, women don’t view this as them
taking advantage of the guy.
After all, if you were put up on a pedestal and had someone nervously
asking you to grace them with your presence for lunch, wouldn’t you feel like you
were giving them exactly what they wanted by doing them that favor? If a man
has a secret agenda that the woman detects, then that comes across to her as
Alpha Male (relaxed and in comfortable in his own skin): “I’m off to get
some lunch at my favorite place, El Cheapo Restaurant.” (Then, playfully, almost
like it’s an afterthought): “You’re a fun person, so come along with me.”
Woman (giggling): “Blah blah” (It really doesn’t matter what the woman
says, because as long as she feels comfortable around the guy, she will go with
Notice the frame that this second example sets. The man is in his own
reality. He wants to get lunch and knows where he wants to get it.
Because the woman has earned his attention, she can come along with
him. He is the prize, not her—she’s fun, so she gets invited to come along.
In the first example, the woman is clearly the prize, as the man is weakwilled
(doesn’t have a place in mind to go eat), knows that his value is less than
hers (so he comes across as nervous), and has to practically bribe her to talk to
Note also how “so come along with me” is really a command. You see,
an alpha male is not afraid to put his balls on the line and say things like that to
Make sure, however, to soften such phrases by saying them playfully.
You don’t want to come across as harsh or bossy.

Finally, notice how lunch is not being framed as a date like it is in the first
example. This avoids having her categorize the man as relationship material
who will have to wait months for sex.
Instead, if sex takes place, he will assume the active role in creating the
right conditions for it.
The way the mind works, as I mentioned earlier, is that when you believe
something, your mind increasingly finds evidence for that belief to be true. That’s
the value of the above exercise for kick starting your belief in yourself as the
dream lover that all women would want.
As you adopt the mindset that you are a good catch, realize that all
women are naturally promiscuous when the conditions are right (i.e., they’re
being led by a confident man). You do not need validation and approval from a
woman; instead, she needs them from you.
To sum up, as an attractive man, you:
1) Make women come into your reality, not the other way around.
2) Take the lead role, since women are usually passive when it comes
to dating and sex.
3) Emotionally arouse women.
4) Are a man of high value, so it is up to women to win your affection.
5) Don’t take women too seriously, nor do you take life too seriously.
6) Have your own beliefs, are assertive, and think for yourself.
7) Remember, you don’t need her approval!
Almost all of the men I know who are good with women realize these
things and place a high value on themselves. Why? Because they (and you)
know how to bring women to the highest heights of pleasure!

Creating Your Own Strong Reality

Your world is what you perceive it to be. On the internet, you can find a
vast range of beliefs, and all of those beliefs are backed by people’s own
For example, many religious sites talk about God as if it’s obvious he
exists, while atheists say that’s nonsense. Read further and you find compelling
arguments for both views! How can that be, since both sides can't be right? It
happens because each is a different person’s view of reality.
What if you break your leg? Is that bad? You’re probably thinking, “Damn
right, it’s bad.” But let’s suppose you’re a British soldier in 1914 and that broken
leg just prevented you from becoming cannon fodder on the Western Front.
Then you’d thank your lucky stars for your leg cast and crutches!
So here’s the thing: reality is what you perceive it to be. There is no
objective reality. Everything is open to interpretation. How about if it’s a rainy
day? You’ll have an entirely different perspective depending on whether you
want to go on a picnic of if you’re a farmer suffering through a drought, Even a
flood isn’t bad for everyone—people who kayak whitewater love floods.
Thus, you have the power to view the world the way you want to. You can
have your own reality, your own frame on things.
A person with a weak reality gets drawn into other people’s perceptions of
the world. A person with a strong reality is unaffected by other people’s
perceptions, and instead draws others into his world.
Let’s say you go to nightclubs and have trouble finding a place to park. A
beta male who lets external factors control him will be upset by this. But you can
frame it in a way that you don’t have to be upset. Not being able to find a place
to park means that there will be lots of people in the clubs, which means lots
more women.
Ever get stuck in a traffic jam? That’s okay, because it’s a chance for you
to take a break, relax, meditate, and maybe listen to some soothing music. You
don’t have to join the rest of the herd in becoming upset. You have the power to
have a good perception of events.
Now let’s look at what kind of frame you have when it comes to yourself.
You want to have the frame that you are a prize that women will earn.
Easy Alpha Male Exercise – Fixing your mindset about yourself with

You need to know that every woman would be lucky to have you. Ponder
the following questions. Come up with answers to them, and write down those
This exercise may be easy, but it's important, because if you’ve not yet
fully internalized the alpha male mentality, it is essential to redirect your thought
patterns. Plus, it's always helpful to jot down a few things that you can later reread
when you need to be refreshed on your journey.

1. If you allow a woman into your life, how can you make her feel good in many

2. Imagine you are a man of high value, whose time and attention are craved by
lots of people. What are your rules for allowing people to receive the gift of your
time and attention?

3. What are some fun things that you like doing that women also like? (Women
need emotions in order to become sexually receptive, so they enjoy things that
are emotionally relevant such as talking on the phone with friends. The easiest
way to kill a woman’s mood for sex is to talk about logical things such as
corporate balance sheets.)

4. What are some qualities you have (or can develop) that women would find

5. What are some benefits you would need to get from a woman in order for you
to bring her into your life?
Come up with your own answers, but keep in mind that there are certain
things that women must have, such as great sex, passion, positive emotions,
and sensuality.
While you provide benefits for women, you also want to screen them for
quality. As a man, you probably have strong sexual desires (I certainly do!), so
you would not want a woman who is frigid. For me, behaviors that will make me
leave a woman are dishonesty, childish drama, and obesity.
The kind of woman I like is one who genuinely likes me, enjoys life, and
takes care of herself.
Only you know what you want and what wonderful benefits a woman will
gain by entering your world. I strong encourage you to complete this exercise
before reading further in this guide.
Okay, now that you you’ve read the questions, thought about them, and
written them down, you've now got your roadmap written out on how to become
attractive and confident.

Put differently, you are on your way to realizing how special you are. In
the world of love, you are like a Lamborghini. If a woman doesn’t realize your
value, then it’s her loss, not yours.
I really like the Lamborghini analogy because of its relevance to a man’s
relations with women. A Lamborghini doesn’t have inherent value—it can either
be a hunk of metal that gets bad gas mileage, or it can be a thing of beauty and
power that you would pay as much as a house for. It all depends on your
Lamborghini dealers have a strong mindset that their cars are highly
valuable. As a result, they don’t just let anyone in for a test drive. They don’t
bargain with the price they expect to receive, unlike Ford or Chevy dealers who
lack the high value mentality.

The Most Important Power Attitude You Can Have

If you’re like most guys, you think of women as a reward in life for working
hard and living right.
It’s a tradition going back in history. In the Middle Ages the beautiful
maiden was the reward for the gallant knight at the end of his long, arduous quest.
Hey, I used to think that way, too. And it led me to believe I’d have to get
the finest car, have the highest-paying job, and spend tons of money on women
in order to get them to like me. All my friends thought that too.
The hell of it was, looking back, none of us had much luck with chicks.
“Man, if I just keep working hard and being a nice guy who knows just the
right kinds of flowers to buy,” I thought, “women will like me.” After all, whenever
you ask a woman for advice, that’s what they tell you to do.
Later, I discovered that women give terrible advice! They provide you
with the roadmap for becoming relationship material only. Take their advice and
you’ll be an easily controlled beta male who has to wait months before sex, as
opposed to an exciting alpha male who women have sex with right away.
As a college sophomore, I had a huge crush on a female roommate of
mine. I did the all the right things I thought I should do to get her to like me. I’d
leave the toilet seat down. I’d buy her CDs. I’d fix things for her in our
apartment. I even cleaned up after her when she’d trash the place.
I was such a sweet guy, she told me. But we never had sex. She never
felt any attraction for me whatsoever. I was just…too…nice. And nice means beta.
Then during my junior year I made friends with a guy who seemed like the
opposite of what I thought a guy should be like. He didn’t spend money on girls,
didn’t eagerly jump to tag along with girls who asked him to go shopping with
them, and didn’t try to impress girls with his car or career ambitions.
Yet this man constantly had women admiring him, orbiting him, flirting
hard with him, and having sex with him.
What he did, I later realized, was convey alpha male qualities that made
women attracted to him on a primal level.

Everything about him and how he conducted himself reflected his
wholehearted belief that he was a good catch. It was the power attitude from
which all of his success flowed.
Because of his belief that he was a good catch, he:
• Would only have sex with women who had earned that honor.
• Would only feel affectionate toward women who had earned that privilege
• Would only be interested in what women said if they said something
interesting and didn’t just blather on.
Once you’ve completely adopted this mindset that you are the catch (not
her), you will have become more attractive.
It’s a fundamental part of human psychology that we tend to assign a higher
value to things that aren’t readily available.
That’s basic supply and demand: whatever is in short supply is demanded
at a higher price than usual.
As I write this book, for example, there’s a reported market shortage of
Splenda artificial sweetener. The company that makes it is trying to build a new
factory because its current factory can’t keep up with demand.
So now, thanks to news stories trumpeting that fact, people who never
would have used Splenda in the first place are buying up months and years of the stuff.
Remember when they brought back the original Coke after introducing New Coke?
From rare baseball cards to stamps, there are examples of the scarcity
principle all over the place. Marketers take advantage of it all the time.
As an alpha male, you can take advantage of this and increase your value
through the following three secrets:

1) Being unavailable to a woman if the benefit you’ll gain is
outweighed by what you’d have to put up with. (If you take that
attitude, how much patience do you think you’ll have for women
who put you in the “relationship” category and make you wait
months for sex? Not much!)

2) Not jumping to return phone calls so quickly. As an alpha
male, you’re a busy man, and women need to earn your attention.
And when you do talk on the phone, often you’ll get off the phone
first, not because some relationship book told you that you have to,
but because you genuinely are a busy man

3) Not being available for dates if you have other things you’re
doing with your life. (And by the way, in order to be attractive to
women, you should be doing things with your life other than chasing skirts.)
Let me say this again, because it’s important—by not always being
available, you will raise your value.
When you adopt the mindset that you are a high value man who decides
for himself if it’s worth his while to spend time with a woman, you will also have
certain rules for behaviors that you will tolerate from her. When she fails to meet
your expectations, you withdraw your attention.
As an alpha male, you live the life that you want, free from needing the
approval of others. (Most people unfortunately do not live the life that they want
for precisely that reason, i.e., that they’re afraid of getting disapproval.)
Therefore, you move towards the things you want and away from the
things you don’t. You’re a man of high value and are worthy of being treated as
such by others.

Avoiding the 3 Behaviors That Convey Low Status

Avoid the three behaviors below and you'll immediately separate yourself
above 95% of the other guys out there. That by itself, when women sense it,
immediately makes them feel wetter around you.

1. Bragging
“You should see my awesome house.”
“I’m about to get a raise up to six figures a year!”
“I have a huge dick.”
The irony of bragging is what it communicates—you’re a needy guy who
craves approval. Why else would you have to talk yourself up like that?
Avoid directly verbalizing your good qualities and let the woman discover
them on her own. This displays your confidence in yourself as well as making
you a bit “mysterious” in her eyes.
Be an endless source of fascinating discoveries for her, not a blowhard.

2. Putting yourself down
Lower status men tend to be modest for fear of offending others and
because they want to be seen as polite. Alpha males avoid self-effacing
modesty except when it’s an obvious joke.
High self-esteem is attractive to women. Think highly of yourself and a
woman will think highly of you.
It’s okay to make an obvious joke about putting yourself down, like in the
following examples (said with a playful tone of voice):
• “I’m so weak, I’m not sure if I can lift that heavy thing.” – Spoken by a
• “I wear a leather jacket to compensate because my penis is so small.
It’s not even half an inch!” - Spoken by a man with huge confidence
who obviously does not have sexual insecurities. (That’s why he’s
able to joke about penis size.)
• “I’m unemployed and live in my parents’ basement!” – Spoken by a
well-dressed man who obviously has loads of money.

3. Putting other people down
“Ha ha look at that bum in rags!”
When you put down others, you reveal your own insecurities. The
homeless guy on the sidewalk is no threat to you, so why act as if he is?
And since women are sensitive creatures who feel sorry for the less
fortunate, you’ll trigger her into taking up for whoever you put down.
Similarly, don’t put down guys who are your sexual competition, since that
too reveals your insecurity. Instead simply don’t pay attention to them, since
they’re not worthy of your attention

NIce Guys Behaviors to Avoid

Here’s something you may not know about us humans: we’re wired to
attach more weight to negative information about someone than we do to positive
That’s why you can be having a great conversation with someone, and
then all of a sudden you change your mind about them when they tell you in all
seriousness that they were captured by a UFO.
It doesn’t matter that for the past half hour the person was being smart
and witty... now you mentally stamp their file with big bold red letters that say
“WEIRDO” based on the UFO thing.
So, since one wrong move can shoot down 100 good ones, it’s crucial to
avoid negative behaviors that are characteristic of low status males, or betas, if
you don't want women to treat you like crap and lead you on. These beta
characteristics to avoid are:

1) Seeking approval by ending sentences with, “isn’t it” or
“right”? These questions tacked onto the end of sentences
make you sound weak willed, particularly if your vocal pitch
rises. Right?

2) Trying to dominate. Instead, just do it. Have a stronger
psychological reality and mindset than anyone else.
Assume people are there to follow you, because you are the
shit. Know, as an article of faith, that you can ask people
politely to do what you want them to do, rather than bossing
them around. (It’s interesting to observe military generals,
who, despite what you see in movies such as Patton, are
usually polite when they get subordinates to do things.)

3) Being belligerent, either with women or with other men.
The alpha male is able to stay calm under pressure and walk
away when he needs to. Starting a fight is a sign that you’re
a man with low status. It also goes without saying that
fighting in order to gain the affections of a woman is the
ultimate form of approval seeking, which lowers your
attractiveness. With that said, however, if some guy violates
your boundaries and starts shit with you (like let's say you
get bullied), there are occasions when you must stand up for

4) Following the other person’s agenda and talking about
what they want to discuss, even if you find it boring.
Remember my story of sitting for two hours with the girl I
loved, listening to her tale of woe about the druggie
bartender? Bad move. The alpha male only talks about
what he wants to. Watch any alpha male in action (e.g.,
CEOs and politicians) and you will observe this
phenomenon. When an alpha male is bored, he doesn’t
hide his disinterest. So don’t give people your attention until
they’ve earned it.

5) Trying to one-up people and prove that you’re smarter
than the person you’re talking to. When you look at
leaders in corporate boardrooms or governor’s mansions,
you find that the best leaders are secure enough in
themselves that they can listen to those who are more expert
than they are. An old CEO truism is that you don’t have to
be smart, you just have to hire smart people.

6) Checking out every pretty girl you see. A man who’s
getting laid left and right doesn’t have time for this, so you
shouldn’t, either. As you stop being impressed by the hot
bodies around you, watch the difference in reactions that you
get from women. Watch how they start checking you out
and wanting to prove themselves to you.
Alpha males assume the mantle of leadership as their birthright and act as
if they are a natural leader. They don’t care much about what others think. They
do their own thing and don’t seek approval.
However, at the same time, they also offer a benefit--whether it’s social
status, excitement, or stimulating conversation--to those who follow them.
People submit to the alpha’s reality because they want to (since alpha
males talk about interesting topics) or because everyone else is paying attention
to the alpha male.
And people—especially women--pay attention because the alpha male
conversation style is interesting. Why? Easy--because he talks about
fascinating things. Thus, other people are sucked into his reality, so as a
consequence they find them interesting too.
So how do you get interesting stuff to talk about? It’s simple: you have an
exciting, well-balanced life. If you do that, you will naturally exude attractiveness
to women. Keep busy with work, your social life, activities, and selfimprovement.
Don’t just sit around playing video games. Go skydiving, take
dance lessons, call an old friend and hang out with them. When your life is fun
and interesting, you have tons of things to talk about with women.
And when you talk to a woman, lead the conversation. Captivate her

As you work on your behaviors, you will also work on adopting the mindset
of an alpha male. The first thing I notice that all alpha males have in common is
that they assume people will follow their lead. They’re not bossy because they
don’t need to be—they have the confidence that comes with knowing people will
Bossiness can quickly backfire because few people like to be ordered
around. Do your thing and be passionate about it and people will be drawn into
your reality. Just act as if people will follow you, believe that they will, and you’ll
find that what you believe will become reality.
This brings up an important point. Don’t observe reality and then adjust
yourself to it.
Instead, create your own reality. This means that you should act as if
events are the way you would like them to be.
Act as if you are a catch for any woman. Act as if pussy is no big deal to
you, since it’s not a big deal to men who get laid all the time. (Although you may
not currently have much sex, if any, you still want to model the mindset of men
who do.) Act as if all your manly desires are perfectly natural. You have no
reason to apologize for or cover up your sex drive the way nice guys do!
Act as if you’re not affected that much by what a woman thinks, since what
you think is a lot more important. Believe it or not, women will respect you a lot
more for this.
Lots of guys get caught up in the trap of constantly wondering what a
woman is thinking. “Gee, when she rubs her glass in response to me telling her
a joke, does that mean she likes me?” Quit worrying!
Instead just realize that there’s a horny, primal woman within her who
wants to have mad, passionate sex with you. Just relax. Be an attractive guy,
and give her a chance to become attracted to you. If she doesn’t accept the gift
of your companionship, then that’s her loss.
Be optimistic. Ever notice how the best athletes such as Deion Sanders,
Michael Jordan, and Tiger Woods know that they will do well? Success comes
from confidence. Assume you will succeed, and your attitude will increase the
odds that you will. Assume that you are irresistible to women.
Be powerful and resolute. But at the same time, be natural and fun. Be a
bit of a bad boy, but don’t be a jerk. Have a devilish smile on your face if you
want. You’re an exciting man and women should want you.
Do what you please in life. Be true to your emotions. If you don’t want to
do something, then don’t. Be honest with yourself. Be your own man.
What does this mean? If you want to give a homeless man some change,
then do it. If you want to help an old lady across the street, then go for it. If you
want to open doors for your girlfriend, do it. Just don’t feel like you have to do
any of those things because it’s expected of you. Do things because you want to
do them.
In the end, when you become an alpha male, the man who is true to
himself, you will experience the happiest time of your life. Getting laid will just be
an aftereffect. How’s THAT for a side benefit?

24 Nonverbal Cues That Scream “I’m Non- Dominant.”

Get Rid of Them and Score.

What do you think is the one thing that makes a man most attractive to
women? It’s the impression that you’re a dominant man. And no, you don’t
have to grunt, scratch, and slap a women around like a cave man to convey
dominance... nor should you!
You convey your dominant male status simply by acting the way dominant
men do, by consciously controlling the nonverbal cues you send out, thereby
creating the impression within a woman that you are alpha.
This technique is called the association principle. Within the mind of a
woman, you’re associating yourself with desirable masculine traits while
dissociating yourself from undesirable “nice guy” traits.
This is how magicians operate. On stage, the magician carefully controls
the audience’s impression of him. By diverting the audience’s attention towards
things that they associate with magic—like his waving wand—he prevents the
audience from noticing the thing that would make him look non-magical: the fact
that he’s using his hand to do the trick!
Similarly, you can use impression management to control what the woman
thinks of you.
And here’s some really good news: by adopting the proper mindsets
talked about in this guide, you will eventually grow to fully become an alpha male.
And you can start moving in that direction today by adopting the behaviors of an
alpha male.
So what’s dominance? It’s social power, which comes from
assertiveness. As you go through your process of self-improvement, eventually
you will internalize the concepts of this book and become an alpha male.
Right now, you’re going to learn how to act like an alpha male, giving the
impression of dominance by using your voice, your eyes, your behavior and your
Your eyes are the number one nonverbal cue that tells people you’re an
alpha male. A dominant man is not afraid to gaze directly at people. By averting
your gaze, you communicate submissiveness. When you look down, you
communicate self-consciousness, shame, and a sense of low status.
When you are the one talking, there is no limit to how much eye contact
you can make. Studies have shown that the more eye contact the person doing
the talking makes, the more dominant the listener perceives that person to be.
However, when you’re the one doing the listening, the opposite is true: the
less you look at the other person while they’re talking, the more dominant you
become. (Ever wonder why adults tell children, "Look at me when I’m talking to
you?" It’s a way of reinforcing the adult’s dominance over the child.)
Of course, you don’t want to go overboard and have the woman think
you’re staring her down. If you’re perceived as too dominant, then your likeability
starts to suffer. So give your eyes a break every now and then. (In the next
chapter I will deal with boosting your likeability.)
Another indicator of your dominance is your voice. Dominant people
control the conversation. They also speak in a cutting voice and aren’t afraid to
interrupt the other person. Studies have shown that using a soft, quiet voice can
give off the impression that you aren’t assertive.
When you speak, try to let your words flow and don’t be afraid to speak
your mind. People who hesitate and hedge are perceived as less powerful than
those who do not.
Watch your mannerisms and behaviors. Try to avoid the following nonverbal
indicators of beta status:

1) Using “ah” and “um,” partial sentences, and partial
words. Studies have shown that people consider others
who talk like this to lack confidence and not be too bright.
It’s a sign of nervousness. The reason we say “um” is
because we’re afraid we’re going to be interrupted by the
other person. Instead, don’t be afraid to pause for effect.
Pausing before important points will make you seem more
competent and people will remember what you say

2) Speaking too fast. This gives off the impression that you
feel anxious and have low self-confidence. A normal,
comfortable speaking rate varies within a moderate range
from 125 to 150 words per minute. Slow down!

3) Speaking with a monotone voice, also known as
mumbling. People with a narrow pitch range are viewed as
unassertive, uninteresting, and lacking in confidence. So
vary your pitch and you will be perceived as outgoing and

4) Pausing too long before responding to a question. This
indicates that you’re thinking too hard for your answer, which
makes you seem indecisive. It also looks like you’re trying
too hard to win the other person’s approval.

5) Pulled-in, closed postures. An alpha male spreads his
arms and legs out and is open. When standing, you can
force open your body language by hooking your thumbs in
your back pockets.

6) Holding your hands in front of you. This is a defensive
gesture. Instead hold yourself open and vulnerable. (You
hold yourself vulnerable because you feel no fear.) Let your
arms relax and be open. Nobody’s going to punch you, so
why do you need to block yourself?

7) Twitching your fingers or hands. When you're across the
table from someone there's a natural inclination to play with
sugar packets or straw wrappers with your fingers. Don't.
And don’t drum your fingers on the table—women hate that.

8) Touching your face when you talk. This indicates that
you’re thinking too hard, you’re indecisive, or that you feel
shy. To convey confidence, hold your hands together in a
steeple shape in front of your chest or face. (A lot of
professors do this when they are lecturing.) Another posture
that will help you when you need a huge display of
confidence is holding your hands at your hips. Cops do this
when they need to establish authority over criminal suspects.

9) Folding or crossing your arms in front of you. On rare
occasions it is possible to fold your arms in an alpha fashion
(watch Brad Pitt in the movie Fight Club for a good
demonstration of this), but as a general rule, avoid it.

10) Rigid or hunched posture. An alpha male has a relaxed
posture, whether he’s standing or sitting. Loosen up and
spread out.

11) Looking down. The alpha man holds his head high. It
shows zest. Looking down at the floor telegraphs “loser.”
Keep your chin up. Expose your neck—don’t worry,
nobody’s going to choke you! Look at the person you’re
talking to; remember what I said about using your eyes.

12) Nervous facial gestures such as lip licking, pursing your
lips, twitching your nose, and biting your lips. An alpha male
has a relaxed face and mouth because he fears no one.

13) Excessive smiling. Studies of primates have shown that
beta males will smile as a way to signal their harmlessness
to stronger males. Beta humans smile to show they’re not a
threat. The alpha male, however, only smiles when there is
something to smile about. And yes—he can be a threat

14) Walking fast as part of your normal walk. Instead, walk
a little slower than normal, almost as if you’re swaggering.
You’re alpha—no one’s chasing you and you’re not rushing
to please anyone else. If you’re not in a hurry to get
somewhere, walk like you’re relaxed and confident. Think: “I
am the man. I can make any woman happy.”

15) Walking only with your legs. Don’t be afraid to move
your torso and arms. Try this: walk as if you’d just had a
massive success and felt on top of the world. Watch what
you do with your body. You may find yourself moving your
arms along with your shoulders and having a slight bounce
in your step. Now, do that all the time.

16) Slouching. You don’t have to stand uncomfortably ramrod
straight, but you should have your shoulders back. Watch
Brad Pitt in any of his movies for examples of how to
comfortably hold your back straight. (I keep bringing Brad
Pitt up because he provides an excellent example of what
good body language looks like. Also watch George Clooney.
For fans of older movies, check out Sean Connery in From
Russia With Love and Rock Hudson in Pillow Talk.)

17) Blinking a lot. Instead blink your eyes slowly. Don't close
your eyes in discomfort. Just let your eyelids relax. In fact,
let them droop a bit. Don't be bug-eyed.

18) Shifting your eyes back and forth when you speak.
That’s very beta. When you’re in a conversation and you’re
doing the talking, gaze at the other person’s face.
Nonverbally, this communicates that that you say is
important and worth listening to.

19) Holding too much eye contact when the other person
speaks. Ignore the dating advice books that tell you to hold
non-stop eye contact. Non-stop eye contact makes you look
needy, socially retarded, and, frankly, like a weirdo. Instead
let your eyes blur and then gaze at her eyes. Look through
her rather than at her. From extensive testing, I've found
that gazing at a woman about two-thirds of the time is
optimal. By the way, only hold the gaze when she's telling
you something genuinely interesting. Otherwise, focus on
other stuff like her breasts, her hair, things going on around
you, etc.

20) Being uncomfortable with your eyes. The bottom line is
that your eyes should be comfortable, relaxed, assertive,
and sexual.

21) Looking down or to the side before answering a
woman’s question. If you do need to look away before
answering in order to think, then look up and to the side.
Studies have shown that this displays more confidence.

22) Being afraid to touch a woman, and thus being nontouching.
Be confident about it when you touch women--
any nervousness at all can be fatal for your relations with
her. Be alpha and physically move her when you need to.
Hold her hand to lead her around, etc. Be gentle—if you
use excessive pressure, you reveal your insecurity. (Since
you’re alpha, of course she will follow you, so there’s no
need to be anything other than playful and tender.) It's
natural to touch others, as when you're emphasizing a point.
So let the love flow!

23) Turning your head fast when someone wants your
attention. Instead use the movements that you would when
you’re at home—slow and relaxed. You’re not at anyone’s
beck and call. You’re alpha, remember?

24) Using long, convoluted sentences. Alphas keep it short
and to the point. If you’re tempted to use long sentences,
break them up.
Don’t feel bad if you inevitably slip up and use some of these nonverbal
cues from time to time. No one’s perfect, so don’t beat yourself up about it,
especially when you’re talking with a woman. Let it go and keep the
conversation moving.
When you think about such things too much while talking, you start to
doubt yourself, and when that happens, you feel insecure and anxious and
become hesitant. Instead just work on remaining nonchalant yet sincere at all
It’s enough to simply be aware of how you communicate non-verbally with
everything you do, because being aware means you will start to avoid negative
communications much more.