At the ripe old age of 23, a friend of mine got his first girlfriend. Even
though he was just law student, barely getting by, he proceeded to spend over
$3,000 on the girl in just one short, whirlwind of a month, blowing through
expensive wines at restaurants and other unnecessary gifts.
Though he did get laid several times in that short time span, she left him
for another guy. My friend was heartbroken for months afterward, not to mention
that he had to get a part-time job to replenish his bank account.
Been there, done that. I’ve bought girls dinners, movies… even a $500
ring that I saved up for back in high school. It used to be that I’d routinely bring a
girl a $30 bouquet of flowers on our first date.
All of that money spent, and not much to show for it. All I’d wanted out of
the deal was to get laid. It seemed a really simple bargain... the chick would get
the stuff I bought her, and in exchange all she’d need to do is spread her legs.
Sound familiar? Are you frustrated when you don’t get laid like you
should, after all the money you’ve spent?
Well, here’s the thing: you’re operating on a false assumption. Money
spent doesn’t necessarily equal legs opening.
The problem with lavishing money on a woman who hasn’t earned it is
what it communicates. And what it communicates to her, loud and clear, is that
her value is higher than yours, so you need to earn her approval by purchasing
it.
It’s like you’re saying, “OK, I know my value is less than yours, so how’s
about I throw in a dozen roses, an expensive dinner, and some really nice
diamond earrings?” Get the picture?
The reality, however, is that if you know that your value is high, then you
don’t need to buy her approval.
I know that saying “don’t buy things for girls” goes against what we men
logically think, and it damned sure goes against what we’re all taught. After all,
we’re all brought up to believe that if there’s something of value that we want, we
need to be willing to shell out what it takes to buy it, right?
Well, in the case of inanimate objects that don’t think for themselves,
that’s true. But in the case of women, it’s not true.
.
Consider the average super-hot woman. Most men regard her as highly
valuable and thus they grovel before her and worship the ground she walks on.
She walks into a place and her money’s no good.
Yet what kind of dude does a woman like this typically go for? Usually
one with high social status, who sees no need to buy her things in order to win
her affections. Oh, sure, he does it later, after he has her, so that she has nice
things to show off…but not while he’s getting her.
The bottom line is that there are three unbreakable rules of spending
money on women (screw these up, and not only will you go home broke, but with
blue balls too). Always weigh whether to pay with these questions:
1) What is my value and hers? If you make a special effort to pay,
you are communicating to her that you think she has a higher value
than you.
2) Has she earned what I’m going to give her? As an alpha male,
you reward good behavior. So make sure the woman has done
something to earn your approval! (I recently lavished a $100 meal
on a woman I'm dating. I did it because she has given me the
world's greatest fellatio. Make no mistake about: the one and only
time you should ever take a woman out on an expensive date is
when she's done something significant to earn it, like pleasing you
sexually.)
3) Am I paying for this in an alpha manner? Make sure to not frame
it as you buying a woman into your bed, because that's beta and
needy.
I want you to start getting a mental picture of yourself as a man of high
value. Now, as a man of high value, you need to take the mindset that yeah,
you’re interested in the woman, but your interest is conditional upon her good
behavior.
By the way, never say stuff to a woman things like, “I’m buying you this as
a reward.” Just reward good behavior and avoid encouraging bad behavior, and
you’ll find that things will work out better for you.
When you do buy the woman things, never make a big deal out of it. Say
something like, “I’ll pay for the coffee. It’s no big deal.” What that says to her is
that you’re more interested in the social interaction that the two of you are having
and that you’re barely thinking about the drink you just bought her.
It also means that there are no strings attached. By saying “it’s no big
deal,” you make it clear that you’re not putting pressure on her to reciprocate
what you’ve done for her.
“Buying me things because he wants something later” is a behavior that
many women consider manipulative and results in the man being denied sex.
And to be quite honest, many men fall right into that trap by making a big
production out of buying the woman nice things. Don’t be that guy.
Unfortunately, the average woman has gone out with so many men who
bought her things to try to get into her pants that when you start buying her nice
stuff, it triggers an automatic negative reaction within her. “Eeew, he’s trying to
buy sex,“ she thinks, and then she turns off on you. The typical woman is not a
prostitute and doesn’t want to be treated like one.
Fine, but then what do you do when the check comes? Well, first off, you
shouldn’t take a woman out for a big, fancy date until after the two of you have
had sex. Then, take her to an expensive restaurant as a reward for her good
behavior.
Your first date should be something informal and inexpensive such as
coffee. That way when the check arrives, it’s really no big deal.
A basic rule of thumb is to ask yourself whether you’d pay if you’d invited
out a casual male friend instead of that chick sitting across from you. If the
answer is yes, then by all means do it.
And don’t feel like you’re being taken just because you picked up the tab
for coffee. You don’t want to lose a lay just because you were too stingy to buy a
$3 latte.
The main thing you need to do is to realize why you’re doing things.
Never buy things for a woman or do favors for her because you think you need to
earn her approval. Instead, adopt the mindset of the alpha male: anything you
do for her is conditional on her having earned it.
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