The Beta Male "Nice Guy"
When I was growing up, my mom, aunts, and other older ladies always
told me that to get a girlfriend, I would need to be a nice guy. I’d need to
constantly buy a girl flowers, give her gifts, and take her out to eat.
“Wow,” I thought, “I’ll need to have a really great job so I can have all that
money to spend!”
And unfortunately, I internalized their advice. All through high school and
college, I tried to be the nice guy, the one girls supposedly wanted. Girls would
always say how much they appreciated what I did, but the most action I ever got
was a kiss on a cheek.
Then in college and beyond, the advice changed. All of a sudden it was
common knowledge that to be successful with women, you needed to act like an
asshole rather than a nice guy.
I tried that advice out and found that when I acted like a jerk, some women
responded to me more. However, I still didn’t get the success that I wanted.
Though I did get to have my first sexual relationship, it was with a low selfesteem
head case. And I still had problems with so many girls preferring other
guys to me.
So I took a good, hard look at the guys who were successful with women,
the ones who weren’t, and the ones in between, and I figured out that there are
really three classes of men. And there’s definitely a pecking order as far as the
women are concerned.
At the bottom of the list are the nice guys, who make up the majority of the
male population. The nice guy is a man who basically pleads for sex. He shows
up at a woman’s doorstep with flowers, drives her to a fancy restaurant and buys
her filet mignon with fine wine.
Then, after he takes her home, he gets blue balls because she doesn’t
even invite him in. And the hell of it is, he doesn’t learn from this—he’s back
using the same tactics on the very next woman.
And you want to know what’s really ironic here? Believe it or not, women
consider nice guys to be manipulative.
It’s quite obvious to the woman why the nice guy buys her so many things.
“They’re only after one thing!” is a common mantra that women repeat about nice
guys. However, she thinks he might possibly have good relationship potential,
so she may keep him on the backburner and eventually have sex with him.
And boy does she make him wait a long time! Some women set three
dates as the minimum, which is like winning the lottery for the nice guy, since
many other women make guys wait months until they “get lucky.”
And when sex does come, it’s a huge event and the woman makes a big
deal about it. Hopefully the man doesn’t have a high sex drive, because he won’t
be able to get sex whenever he wants. He’s going to have to accept it on her
terms when she happens to be in the mood.
So why don’t nice guys succeed? The problem with the nice guy is that
not only do women consider him manipulative, they also see him as boring. The
nice guy talks about logical things like foreign policy or how a car engine
operates. Sometimes he brags about himself and how much money he makes,
implying that he can buy things for the woman. “How lame,” she thinks.
Engaging in logical conversation and trying to impress a woman with your
smarts and earning potential is a mistake that 99% of guys make. It kills a
woman's attraction for you because it communicates neediness and low value.
If you weren't seeking her approval, you wouldn't be trying to impress her.
If you instead were a man of high value (an alpha male), then she would be the
one seeking your approval.
The other problem of course is that women who are engaged in the
mating ritual with a guy absolutely loathe logical conversation. It snaps her out of
her trance. So refrain from talking about that article on Chinese trade policies you
read in The Economist until you're hanging out with your male buddies.
Don't misunderstand me, though. You should not pretend to be some kind
of idiot around girls. In fact, women find it attractive when a guy is an expert in
something. What you do, however, is make sure to talk about interesting things
within your area of expertise, not mind-numbing things.
In fact, something you should begin immediately, if you haven't done this
already, is to become an expert in something. It doesn't matter what... real
estate, rock music, South Park trivia, religion, history, etc.
A man who's an expert is automatically an alpha male in that area. Just
make sure to captivate her with the knowledge you share. Don't bore her. (When
sharing facts, ask yourself, "Would this information be on 'Ripley's Believe It Or
Not' or would it be something a dull college professor would say?)
Girls just wanna have fun, as the song goes, and the nice, boring guy ain't
fun. Go to places where singles congregate and you can perform an interesting
people watching exercise by checking out the couples that you see.
If the girl looks bored or is constantly chatting on her cell phone, then
she’s with her boyfriend. That’s because her boyfriend is a nice guy who isn’t
playful with her and doesn’t excite her.
If, on the other hand, she’s laughing and looks like she’s having a good
time, then what you’re seeing is most likely a pick-up attempt by an alpha male.
Notice, too, that the alpha male picking up a woman has an easy rapport
with her. The two of them talk as if they’ve known each other for a long time.
The problem with being the nice guy is the mindset that it springs from. A
man supplicating to a woman is doing it out of insecurity and desperation for her
approval and sexual attention.
Want to lay hot chicks? Then keep this first and foremost in mind: The
quickest and easiest way to kill any attraction a woman may be starting to feel for
you is to feel insecure about yourself, or to be needy, or to seek approval. When
you have the mindset of being desperate to please, you end up coming on too
strong, too early. You become clingy. It’s like you’re begging.
There’s an old saying about banks: they only want to loan you money
when you’re loaded already. If you genuinely need the money, then you can
forget it.
The Problem With Being Her "Friend"
Have you ever settled for being friends with a girl, orbiting around her as
the months go by, hoping she will eventually fall for you? Lots of guys do this,
particularly the shyer ones.
These guys end up acting as emotional tampons for women. They
listen attentively as their female friends tell them about what jerks the real men in
their lives are.
Believe me, I’ve been there. The low point came when a female friend of
mine, whom I had a massive crush on, wanted me to come hang out with her at
her apartment. “Awesome!” I thought. This was the moment I’d been waiting for,
right? Not quite…
We sat in her living room and like a nice guy, I followed her agenda, which
included spending a good two hours meticulously going over everything that her
next-door neighbor (a druggie bartender) said to her at lunch that day. “He
laughed and called me silly. Do you think he likes me?”
I did the best I could—I told her I thought he was a jerk and that she could
do better. I gave her all the legitimate, logical reasons why that was true. She
told me she agreed with me. (Girls with the “wrong guy” always agree that he’s
wrong. Then, of course, they ignore it and have sex with those “wrong guys.” As
she did.)
If there’s any justice in the world, eventually women will come around to
liking the nice guys. Truth be told, sometimes they do, usually when they’re
older. By that point, they’ve usually already had kids by some jerk who bailed on
them and the kids and the thought of settling down with a weak-willed man who
will stick around and bring in a steady paycheck is starting to have an appeal.
Women just simply don’t like spineless men for more than friends. And
when you act like a nice guy and follow the woman’s agenda, and defer to her to
make decisions, she doesn’t respect you.
Nice guys want the woman to decide where they go to eat and when they
have sex. They have no clue that that deference automatically drops them down
into the permanent “just friends” category.
And that’s why the nice guy doesn’t get laid. Like I said, women don’t like
to take responsibility for sex. You, as the man, need to take that responsibility
and lead the way. That’s what women want you to do, and believe me, they love
it when you do!
Avoiding the Beta Male Mindset
In addition to being too indecisive, nice guys also tend to be passiveaggressive.
Women are often being passive-aggressive themselves, thus they
are turned off when that particular trait is exhibited in a man.
What’s passive-aggressive? It’s being passive until you’ve been pushed
too far, then suddenly turning aggressive. Ever had a woman who expected you
to read her mind and then got mad when you read it wrong? That’s passiveaggressive.
Rather than hit the middle ground between passive and aggressive, which
is assertive, the nice guy will constantly give in and do whatever the woman
wants.
When the woman finds this unattractive and eventually leaves him for a
more exciting guy, the nice guy will complain about how he “did everything for
her.” And therein lies the problem…
Nice guys also have issues with jealousy, born out of their insecurity.
They are too outwardly-dependent; all their happiness comes from the woman.
They don’t want her talking to other guys for fear she’ll run off and he’ll lose his
source of happiness.
You see, the problem with the feelings of jealousy that so many beta
males have about their women is that it comes from a position of neediness. So
whenever you feel that way with a girl, suck it up and let those feeling go.
When a girl detects a guy is jealous, it's as if he's saying to her, "Hey, I
feel inferior to those other dudes you're talking to."
And having that lack of confidence in yourself makes the chick not feel so
confident in you, either. She begins to wonder whether the grass is greener in
other pastures.
I know it's tough to not feel jealous, but look at it this way: if you knew that
you were the shit and that you can attract hot babes and get laid easily, would
you care that your girl is going off and talking with some other guys? Of course
not, because that would be her loss (and you could just get laid from some other
chick)!
Okay, so here's a new attitude I want you to adopt: "I am developing into
a high value alpha male." Keep repeating that to yourself throughout the day
as an affirmation.
By the way, you're probably still wondering what you should actually do if
you're girl is talking to other dudes. Well, the absolute worst thing you can do
(ironically) is to try to intervene to stop her from doing it. That makes it so that
she has the higher value, not you.
Instead, the best way to counter such behavior is to say, "Have a good
time!" with a tone of complete indifference when she says she's going to go hang
out with some other guy. Let her see that it doesn't phase you one bit.
Meanwhile, you go talk with other girls.
That turns the tables so that now she's the one worrying about whether
you'll leave her for the competition. That sets you up as having the higher value.
Another way to avoid ever becoming upset at a woman's behavior is to not
take individual women seriously or put much concern in what they're thinking.
Being overly concerned with a woman's thoughts and feelings is a waste
of time, because the bottom line is you can't control what a woman thinks or
feels. You can only control yourself.
Instead of taking women too seriously (which gives them power over you,
making you needy and unattractive), just view them as collective sources of fun
and pleasure in your life. That's it.
In order to a spine with women instead of being a pushover, I have
something for you to try.
Next time you're with a woman, try to say "no" to her at some point.
Saying "no" can be powerful with women. But do it in a soft way, like this:
Her: "Let's go rent a movie."
You: "No, not yet. Let's go in about an hour."
By saying no, you establish your authority and set yourself up as a
challenge for the woman. If she views you as a challenge, then she will be
excited by you instead of bored.
If you say YES to everything your woman suggests, then she will soon be
saying NO to you, and in the worst place of all... the bedroom.
What you need to know, most of all, is that women resent any sort of
neediness. The alpha male is exciting to women because his happiness comes
from within, so he doesn’t burden her with any responsibility for his emotional
state.
Let me stress one thing here: your inner state is key with women. For
them to see you as lovable, you have to first love yourself. You have to have
passion for your life and you’ve got to go for what you want.
There are way too many nice guys out there who are down on themselves
and insecure. That’s why when it comes to love, nice guys really do finish last.
The Jerk
On a middle level, above the nice guy, is the asshole, or jerk. For the
most part, assholes appeal to women more than nice guys because assholes
aren’t boring.
Though the asshole creates an emotional roller coaster of drama with his
girlfriend, at least the girl is getting the emotional high points of the ride along
with those low points. In other words, he may make her cry, but he also makes
her giggle. And the uncertainty of which it’s going to be does create some
excitement in her life.
Here’s what you need to get about women: in order to be sexually
turned on, women need to tune into their emotions instead of their logic.
The nice guy makes the fatal mistake of appealing to their logic, whereas the one
good thing the jerk does do is to appeal to a woman’s emotions.
Jerks get laid because they get women turned on by being so persistent
and then going for the lay. They are sexually aggressive, unlike the nice guys
who are sexually passive. While the jerk creates negative emotions within
women, at least they are still creating emotions, as opposed to the nice guy
who bores women.
However, it’s not all good for the jerks. The types of women who go for
jerks are mainly head-cases who have low self-esteem, depression and other
emotional issues. Such women often act weird and insecure when it comes to
relationships, so they’re really not the kind of women a well-adjusted man would
want to go for in any case.
Though jerks get laid, I’m not suggesting that you be a jerk. The good
news is that there is a higher level of men yet, whom I call the alpha males, who
induce positive emotions within women with no real negatives. ed.
The Alpha Male
In society, alpha males are the leaders; people look up to them. The
alpha male is confident, socially powerful, outgoing, fun, a leader, secure in
himself, has high self-esteem, and is a guy who has his shit together. He’s able
to joke around with women and be playful.
When a woman says something sarcastic, the beta male gets offended,
while the alpha male laughs about it because he knows girls are like his silly little
sisters. And when a woman later regrets her sarcasm, and learns it was really
no big deal to the alpha male, she gives him big points for that.
Many social interactions that we engage in have sub-currents of
dominance and submission. Studies of social situations have shown that
dominant people will mark their territory in various nonverbal ways, such as
taking up space with their bodies, using a louder voice, controlling conversations,
and using strong eye contact.
People around the alpha male tend to get sucked into his reality because
he’s interesting and makes them feel comfortable.
The alpha male doesn’t feel possessive or jealous over woman because
he isn’t needy. He also doesn’t smother women by putting them up on a
pedestal. Because of this, he knows that any woman would be lucky to have
him, so if any one particular woman doesn’t go for him, then that’s her loss, not
his.
In contrast, the beta male is nervous, has low social status, is typically a
follower rather than a leader, usually feels secretly resentful of successful guys,
has low self-esteem, and is clingy and desperate with women.
True confession: I used to be beta. I was depressed and resentful. I
wanted a girlfriend because I thought having one would make my life worth living.
Once I got a girl and was able to have as much sex as I wanted, I thought, my life
would become wonderful. It wasn’t until later that I learned that I had this exactly
backwards.
It wasn’t until I developed myself from within and had a life worth living
that I starting attracting the awesome girlfriends who I’ve had over the years and
the wonderful woman who I'm currently in a relationship with.
In the next chapter I’m going to share with you some of my secrets on how
you can affect the behaviors and mindset of an alpha male.
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