Identity, State and Frame

The AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) You will be a thing of the past,
replaced by the PUA You. When learning the pick-up arts, you have the
option of creating a new identity. The old you was just fine, a nice guy who
has lots of interesting things to say. The new you may be similar, just
repackaged and marketed correctly. This 'inner game' should be on all the
time, though you may turn your 'outer game' on and off as the environment
dictates. Once you graduate to PUA status, you will look around a venue
and be able to pick out AFCs, or what are often referred to as 'chodes.'
To many people, the seduction community is actually a men's selfimprovement
movement, with a very large carrot at the end of the stick:
SEX. But it is best to consider the long-term goal getting competent with
seduction, and the process of self-improvement your immediate goal.
Strengthening your inner game – developing a solid sense of identity and
unflappable self-confidence – is key to pick-up. This ebook is intended to
be a practical field guide, so inner game is not covered to any large extent.
There are many resources available within and outside the community to
improve your inner game, including Anthony Robbins and the RSD catalog
of DVDs.
Also keep in mind that inner and outer game are symbiotic; one aspect
feeds off the other, and both ideally should develop simultaneously.
Identity development
1. Who are you? Meaning how do you want to be perceived by others?
Find a stereotype to exploit, then create a sound bite that conveys this.
2. What kind of woman do you seek? What’s important to you in a woman?
You must develop your identity to attract this sort of woman, so #1 should
complement #2.
3. What is your avatar? Does your look reflect the identity you’ve chosen?
They must be congruent.
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it
is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the
music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
Henry David Thoreau
4. What is your social circle? Do you hang out with people that enhance
your identity and respect you as a tribal leader?
5. What props do you take into the field that demonstrate your identity?
You can have pics on your phone to show sets. Props may display
sexuality, or that women are a part of your life. Have a story behind each
prop. Be the observed.
6. How will your wing introduce you? This is known as an AI,
accomplishment intro.
“Look at yourselves. What kind of person are you? Inject a bit
of your Antithesis into you. If you look soft then add intent
psycho axe-murderer type shit. If you look like a tough guy
then show a cuddly softer side every now and then. If you look
nerdy then do something very alpha and outgoing. If you look
outgoing and alpha then show some softness every now and
then. Not only is this cute because its unexpected but it also
keeps the girl guessing and makes you undefinable.”
Stefan
State
Your state when running pick up should be that of a confident, happy and
out-going man. Listen to your internal dialog, and if you notice a lot of
negative thoughts, fix it. Your outward appearance will not be appealing to
others until your internal dialog is optimistic, enthusiastic and positive. Push
all negative or self-defeating ideas out of your head, and replace them with
thoughts of success. With more field time under your belt, 'getting into
state' will be easier, or you may find you're always in state.
You can get into state by listening to loud music, jumping and running
around, yelling, and doing high-5s or playing patty-cakes with your wings in
the club. Start finding the positives in your surroundings and reframe your
negative thoughts. Do a few warm-up sets.
Frame
When we speak of frame, we mean your attitude and beliefs. You must
convey non-neediness and willingness to walk away. You must not be
seeking validation from her or anyone else. If you make a funny comment,
you don’t care if she finds it funny; you don't look to make sure if she's
laughing at it, because you simply don't give a crap. If you’re wearing
something interesting, you might ask her opinion on it, but aren’t
emotionally directed by her response. These alpha qualities – that of a
leader and not a follower – should be conveyed in your body language and
what you say. Anything that makes you seem validation-seeking, insecure,
attention-seeking, indecisive, try-hard, dependent or unsure will be a turn
off. In short, this is your world and though she is welcomed to enter it, you’ll
be just fine without her. Along these lines, always be in control and pull her
into your frame. In milder forms this can take the form of ending all phone
calls and interactions before she does. A more obvious version of frame
control is puppet kino, where you are physically forcing her to behave as
you desire. Frame control is an essential part of pickup. A man who
prematurely relinquishes control the the frame to the woman is viewed as
beta. Women seek men who will lead and dominate the relationship, and
though they may try to steal control of the frame, consider this a shit test to
see how resolved you are. Once past attraction and into comfort, you may
let up some control to jump through her hoops, provided she is continuing
to comply and work for your attraction.
Note that these are characteristics you cannot fake. You must internalize
these beliefs and become that person. Women will see through a façade.
Similarly, PUAs talk about having an attitude of scarcity versus abundance;
a man who has his pick of women is said to live in abundance and this is
attractive to women (preselection), whereas a man who settles for anything
he can get is living with a mindset of scarcity which is unattractive
(desperation).
Have no expectations for outcome. Don’t care if a girl doesn’t laugh at your
joke. Don’t care if she doesn’t pong IOIs. Don’t care if you get blown out of
every set tonight. Don’t care if you number close. Don’t care if she doesn’t
call you back. Don’t care if she flakes. Don’t care if you have a one night
stand. Don’t care if she shit tests. Don’t care if she buys you a drink. Just
run game. If she shows interest, tomorrow she could completely disappear
and never respond to you. If she shows disinterest now, in a week she
might be blowing your cell up trying to get a date. Girls send mixed signals
and play games all the time, so don’t be thrown, and always have no
expectations.
Emotional investment by the girl is important. Even if it’s jealousy or
irritation, if a girl has the option to walk away from you but stays in there,
it’s an IOI. Use that emotional investment to get her more attracted to you,
and do not respond emotionally back to it.
Be relaxed and comfortable as if you’re at home and not a bar.
Frame Control and Storytelling
By Rob Judge
It’s time to write on one of the biggest problems/obstacles
PUAs of all skill levels run into: Effective DHV story telling.
There are two recurring fatal mistakes I see happening
repeatedly: 1) Stories are trying so hard to hit DHV points, they
completely undermine and destroy your frame/congruency,
and 2) Stories lack any subtly and are no better than blatant
bragging/lying.
Before I go into the theory on this, I want to demonstrate my
point by relating something that happened to me in-field. Okay,
I sarge in Manhattan and usually go for high end chicks (8s
and upward) usually at classy bars/clubs. So, as you can
imagine, I’m constantly competing/gaming against AMOGs
and, in particular, older, richer Wall Street AMOGs (lets call
them Alpha Streeters). So one Thursday night, I’m out with my
wing and we’re gaming a decent 3-set. As I’m stacking, I
notice in the corner of my eye a cock-pack of 10 Alpha
Streeters rolling into the club. While most of the Alphas
wandered over to the bar, the two most Alpha guys planted
themselves in front of our set. Not letting this phase me, I
continued to stack but kept hearing snip-its of phrases like “…
FINALLY all moved into my place on Fifth Avenue” or “…going
back to the old alma mater for the Harvard Yale game”. They
were running the equivalent of MM for guys on Wall Street:
DHV about money as loud as you can. After about 5 minutes
of this, a couple of the Alphas by the bar came over to our set
and offered us all an expensive round of drinks. Of course, we
had to accept, allowing the 10 Alphas to move in on our set
and effectively blow us out.
The way I felt as I ejected was like a little kid who’s playing a
Nintendo game and can’t beat a level while he watches a
bunch of older kids do whatever they want because they’re
using Game Genie.
I was pissed. Frustrated. Embarrassed. I still am. But thinking
back on it, those guys may have blown me out, but they set a
horrible frame. Let me explain. Say the Alpha Streeters never
showed up and I had successfully #-closed, got a Day 2, and
took the girl(s) to McDonald's. It wouldn’t really be a DLV
because I was strictly selling the girls on my personality,
gaming skills and stories. I didn’t buy them drinks. I didn’t tell
them I live on Fifth Avenue. Taking those girls to McDonald's
would’ve been completely congruent with the frame I
established.
However, imagine if one of the Alpha Streeters got a Day 2
and he took her to McDonald's. MAJOR DLV. The guy
established the frame that he’s rich. His Day 2 HAS to be at a
very expensive restaurant or else it’s NOT CONGRUENT.
Winning girls with money is great if you’re ready to spend
money all the time, but if you’re not than it’s no different than
the smooth PUA who freezes up in the middle of the set.
You’re blown out once you contradict the reality you initially
put forth.
Over and over and I see posts like this: “I broke down the
bedroom door and grabbed him by the neck pinning him
against the wall lifting him up. Must have been the adrenaline
of the moment because I can not normally lift a big guy with
one hand. I looked him in the eye and told him, if he ever did
that again I would kill him.”
I know a lot of red-faced “PUAs” want to grab me by the neck,
pin me against a wall, and tell me “Hey bro! I’m showing that I
PROTECT MY LOVED ONES!”
No, you’re not, bro.
What you’re showing is you’re a typical tough guy. Which is
fine if that’s the frame you want to set. But just like the Wall
Streeter who sets his money frame, you’ve now set a “tough
guy” frame. So, when an AMOG comes over and tries to steal
your girl, you have no choice but to fight him. Think about it. If
you’re the big “protector of loved ones” and you’ve
“demonstrated” that with your story, you can’t try to out smart
the AMOG because it’s not consistent. Your ONLY consistent
choice is to get that adrenaline pumping and start fighting
everyone who threatens your target.
Because I encounter so many typical AFC tough guys, I go
OUT OF MY WAY to set the frame that I’m NOT a tough guy
(so when I use my wit to outsmart them, it’s congruent and I’m
not obligated to man-dance every loser AFC with crab
hands…) Here’s what I was doing for a while (feel free to use
at your discretion):
Part of my peacocking is I sometimes put a band aid on my
neck. It sounds stupid but so many girls will open you with:
HB on Trial: OMG!! What happened?
Rob Judge: Bar fight.
HB on Trial: (Giggles)
Rob Judge: Yeah, you should’ve seen the other 5 guys.
(NOTE: This must be delivered with James Bond-like
demeanor. If you say it like a goofball it’ll come off sounding
like a joke your corny uncle would make…)
The whole reason this is “funny” is because I’m a skinny 5”8,
145-pound dude who dresses like a dandy...
Prizability
Prizability is expressed in the PUA text by Swinggcat, ‘Real World
Seduction.’ Swinggcat speaks of frames and meta-frames, and your goal
generally is to maintain your frame as the prize, and make her pursue you.
Girls will often expect the man to assume she is the prize and that she
should be pursued. The PUA does not fall for this, which will often take
HBs by surprise. Since prizability is one of the most important concepts of
pick-up, a chapter has been devoted to it.
“People don't understand that this is not just about pick-up.
This is really the beginning I think of a serious men's selfimprovement
movement.”
Style
To convince others you are a prize worth pursuing, you need to make
yourself the prize.
The Alpha Male
Women want instinctively to mate with the alpha male of a tribe. Much of
seduction is learning how to tap into these primitive female drives, and so
understanding what constitutes an alpha male is critical. Brad P defines an
alpha as the following:
1. Be immune to social pressures. Be able to stand out and not be selfconscious
about it, though social pressure tells you to conform.
2. Have risk-taking behavior. This demonstrates bravery.
3. Be detached from outcome. An alpha has confidence he will have sex
soon, and so the outcome of each interaction is irrelevant.
In addition, the alpha embodies all attraction switches: he IS a leader of
men, he DOES protect loved ones, he IS preselected, and so on. They
simply exude these qualities.
Intimidating Girls and How Not to Do It
By BangBang
I used to get told I intimidated girls ALL the time, probably a
side effect of spending so many years working as a bouncer.
I'd say it could be one of two things (at least it was with me):
First, I came to realize that I NEVER smiled. What's worse, is
that I didn't REALIZE that I didn't. I wasn't trying to look mean
or to intimidate, but when most people encounter a neutral
expression and confident body language on a guy with a
decent build, they sense a vibe that you are not to be fucked
with. This is great for keeping other guys at bay, but with girls,
not what you want. For me, the fix was simply actively smiling
more and making a point to smile whenever I see a girl. At
first, I'd hear the voice in my head saying "Smile stupid!" and I
would, now it's become more instinctual and I've noticed a
difference. After I've opened, if I'm talking about something
that happened while I was working as a bouncer, I will almost
always still get "I KNEW you were a bouncer! I could just tell.
You look like a bouncer." Something as simple as a smile can
take the same vibe and change it from "He's intimidating!" to
"He'll protect me."
Cowboy stance with Smile = Sexual Attraction
Cowboy stance without Smile = Come near me and I'll fucking
KILL you.
I had also picked up some bad BL habits from being a bouncer
as well, which I had to really work at to get rid of because they
had become natural to me so I didn't notice them.
Second, sometimes confidence can be intimidating to a
woman if she's not used to dealing with confident men. Or
confidence can be intimidating because a confident man has a
reason to be confident; he must have very high standards and
she may be afraid that she won't measure up to those
standards.
I love to dance and have come to be very good at it. I always
used to wonder why, if women like to dance so much, no
women seemed to want to dance with me. They'd start to
when I'd grab them, but then they'd shy away. Finally I asked a
girlfriend of mine what that was all about, because she'd done
it too. She told me that she was afraid to dance with me
because I was a great dancer. She was afraid she wouldn't be
able to keep up and would look stupid. Now I just tell girls to
relax, and I lead more than I used to.
Peacocking
Successful peacocking gear will:
1. inspire targets to open you, and
2. be ridiculed by AMOGs.
Do not feel upset if you get put down by AMOGs; turn this around and
consider it a marker of good peacocking. Some useful peacock items
include: scarves, hats, rings, wrist bands, and necklaces. If you don't want
to wear earrings, look for magnetic earrings online and put 1-3 in your
earlobe and/or cartilage of the left ear. Some PUAs use makeup, or color
their hair.
Often it is helpful to think of a celebrity you resemble and try to look like
that person. Even if on a subliminal level, the comparison might garner you
attention. Remember it is always better to be observed than to observe.
Belt buckles are great in that they can be flashy as they draw a woman’s
attention close to your private parts. When a girl refers to your belt buckle
turn it into a classic sexual predator comment: “Hey, my eyes are up here!
What are you doing looking down her, you diiiirrrty little girl. I swear, girls
are such sexual predators...”
Try to have a story behind each prop, as in its significance to you. When
asked why you have a particular necklace on, you can joke: “Because my
face is a work of art and I needed a beautiful frame around it.”
Platform shoes give the illusion of height which is important if you’re short.
If called out about them, use Style's response: “Because they get me 3
more inches of woman...and I like woman” (said innocently, not
seductively).
The Superman Speech from Kill Bill, Volume 2
“As you know, I’m quite keen on comic books. Especially the
ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology
surrounding superheroes fascinating.
Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic
book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology… The
mythology is not only great, it’s unique.
Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there’s the
superhero and there’s the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce
Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that
character wakes up in the morning, he’s Peter Parker. He has
to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that
characteristic Superman stands alone.
Superman didn’t become Superman. Superman was born
Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he’s
Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big
red “S” - that’s the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when
the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears -
the glasses, the business suit - that’s the costume. That’s the
costume Superman wears to blend in with us.
Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the
characteristics of Clark Kent? He’s weak… He’s unsure of
himself… He’s a coward.
Clark Kent is Superman’s critique on the whole human race.”
Shit Tests
Women will often use shit tests to see what you're made of, to push you
out of your frame and possibly into hers. Don't answer these logically.
Make your responses fun and reframe her statement so that she
understands this is your world and she is lucky to be welcomed in. A shit
test isn't an IOD (when a girl turns back to her friends or walks away...that's
an IOD). It's an IOI, because she's investigating how strong your backbone
is. If a woman finds out you can't even stand up to her, how will you protect
her from all of life's other threats?
Examples:
ST (shit test): Why are you talking to me?
RF (reframe): I lost a bet.
ST: Are you gay?
RF: Yeah, I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.
ST: Buy me a drink.
RF: Is that your best pick up line?
ST: I don't date short guys.
RF: Hey, me neither.
ST: How big is your penis?
RF: How good is your dental insurance?
ST: I need a sugar daddy. Are you rich?
RF: For sure. I just added a new wing to my cardboard box.
ST: So you're a bisexual?
RF: Buy sex? Why would I buy sex when I get it for free?
ST: A lot of guys hit on me because of this tattoo.
RF: Really, guys hit on you for that? I figured you'd get more lesbians.
ST: I can email you nude pics of myself.
RF: Hey! Slow down there, young lady. We just met. Buy me a drink first if
you're gonna hit on me like that!
Brad P suggests a tactic called absurdifying shit tests. So take a shit test
and respond with an absurd exaggeration, and then return immediately
back to the thread you were talking about. For example, if you start running
the 'Who lies more' routine, and she cuts you off with 'That shirt is so ugly!'
you absurdify with 'Oh my god, this is the fucking ugliest shirt in the
world...but...who do you think lies more, men or women?'
I Speak 'Girl'
By Calyx
Here's a method I've been using to help deal with a girl's
nonsense. This works for me in person, text, email and phone.
It is also a good way to turn things sexual.
Let's say your target states something like:
"You're crazy"
"You're stupid"
"You're retarded"
"Shut Up"
"You're such an ass"
Calyx: You know I read, write and speak "girl" fluently. And I
know what you really meant by that.
HB: What?
Calyx: You're stupid = "Calyx, you got me all hot and
bothered."
HB: Lol, you're retarded.
Calyx: You're retarded = Calyx, I want you!
HB: Lol, shut up.
Calyx: Shut up = Calyx, stop talking cause it will make me rape
you.
HB: Lol, stupid, shut up.
Calyx: You just cant help yourself huh?
HB: Okay I want you.
Really, as long as you have some attraction there, you can use
this to make any words she says into words you want to hear.
But if the words are directed at you, the better its effect.
You can use it for shit tests:
HB: I have a boyfriend.
PU: I speak girl and I know what that means.
HB: What?
PU: “I want to give you my number but don't want to seem like
a slut, 'cause I am attracted to you.”
HB: (lol) No, that's not it, I really do have a boyfriend.
PU: “I really like this guy but I am scared to take chances."
HB: Uh, no.
PU: "No = yes"
HB: (lol)
PU: Wow, you want it that bad? Well I am not a slut and you
have to earn my calls!
Crutches
During the evolution from AFC to PUA, a person will rely on crutches to
help them along. Similar to partaking in rehab for a sprained ankle,
crutches can help get around while the ankle is healing, but prolonged
reliance on them can be detrimental to recovery. Here are some example
of crutches which you should be looking for, and abandoning when able:
1. Alcohol. AA is something you need to genuinely squash, and not mask
with mind-altering substances. Drinking to excess in order to help approach
women will not in the end assist you in overcoming AA.
2. State pumpers. At times, you need that shot of espresso to get you in
the mood to go out late and be in a talkative state. However you should
watch out for dependence on stimulants which may artificially pump your
state.
3. Wings. You can accomplish great things when solo sarging, but using a
wing does open many doors, such as making 2-sets easier to work. Many
guys rely on wings as a crutch, becoming intimidated if alone in a venue. A
true PUA can sarge a venue without the assistance of a wing. Bring in
wings to make for a fun night, and to augment your game, but do not avoid
solo sarging.
4. Gaming ugs. Going after HBs can be daunting, and sometimes chasing
ugs can be the path of least resistance. If you are attracted to the ug, then
game on. But if you're gaming ugs as a crutch because you're too scared
to game HBs, you need to get past this sticking point.
5. Peacocking. Some guys don their gear as if it were an action figure
disguise. This is great, but if you're suddenly caught out in the day at a car
wash next to HB10, you may feel naked without the gear and unable to run
game. Be able to run game anytime, even if you don't have your gear on.
6. Routines. Going in with a routine stack can help you reliably create
attraction, but many guys rely on the stack instead of learning how to
naturally vibe with a girl. The routines become a crutch, and without them,
they have no idea what to say to a woman. Be able to open on any topic,
and vibe off what the woman is telling you.
7. All-girl sets. Mixed sets scare a lot of guys, so they avoid them and only
work all-girl sets. Overcome this fear and get used to opening mixed sets.
Don't assume romantic involvement, or that a fight will ensue. Many HBs
hang out in mixed sets, and to avoid them will severely limit your
opportunities.
8. Seated sets. It may be hard to lock in if a group is sitting, so a PUA may
only game standing sets. You should always try to open these sets, even if
the logistics may not be just right. If you don't open, you'll never learn how
to do it.
9. Venue selection. Some PUAs aren't adept at day game, so they only
sarge at night. Others are scared of clubs so they only do day game. A
PUA should ideally be comfortable running game any time of day in any
venue. If you find yourself returning to the same sort of venue, push
yourself to game in venues that may feel uncomfortable at first.
10. Indirect game. The M3 model requires you to fly under the radar via an
indirect approach. Though you may find yourself getting good at indirect,
going in direct may bring about a wave of panic you thought you'd
conquered. Learn how to be direct on your approaches, with aggressive
kino and strong SOIs. You may get blown out more, but if the set hooks
you may be able to avoid a lot of the effort required in going indirect.
11. Being 'in state.' You may not feel like going out or talking to women
because you aren't in state. Being in state can help your interactions, but
relying on being in state is another crutch. There are benefits of gaming
while not being in state. You become too tired to care, which is by itself an
attractive attitude. Also, you can't get in your head, and so you have to go
on autopilot and be in the moment; you're incapable of over-analyzing
everything that gets thrown at you. In so doing, you have spontaneous
natural convos with people, and you internalize the skill set much faster.
Being out of state can actually be a great tool.
Your Comfort Zone
Getting good at seduction requires you to constantly evolve and to push
yourself out of your comfort zone. Initially this may mean just being able to
leave your home on a Friday and put yourself in a bar. Eventually as this
becomes easier, it may mean talking to strangers, going out alone, and
ultimately running pick-up techniques that seem counter-intuitive or socially
unacceptable.
One simply cannot get good at seduction without breaking out of one's
comfort zone. When you find you're comfortable with a skill, move on to the
next one which will advance your sets towards the close.
Each pick-up set is like a work-out set. To get muscle, you must hit the
number of repetitions which will result in failure of that muscle. Then
hypertrophy and strength gains can occur. Merely doing 36 light reps won't
give you the same results. Likewise, you must bring each pick-up set to
failure. That is, push each set to its limit: pull the girl, or else make her blow
you out.
Here is a formula that applies across the board when trying to move out of
your comfort zone:
Step 1. Logically get your plan together. Know what you're gonna say/do
and when. Have the words ready to deliver when your instinct tells you to
it's time. You may need to 'small chunk' this, eventually ending up with a
string of sentences that accomplish your goal.
Step 2. Nut up and do it. Just like AA. We know what we must do. We've
wrapped our heads around it. We just can't pull the trigger.
Step 3. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Keep getting blown out, until you've gotten
yourself on autopilot and are totally immune to failure.
Step 4. Tweak if something isn't working. Drop it, fix it, change the timing in
your set.